Bad Influence Chapter 38
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???????????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????? was not in my 2023 wish list. I never expect that a day would come where I’d sight this image, Derek laying on the bed, bald and looking weak, helpless, defeated. I’m only used to seeing the strong Derek, someone who acts pack in the state of a panic.
I should have known why he lose so much hair each time he uses that hairbrush or while hoodie was his favorite shirt. Four years ago, I knew an angel and for years later I met a devil, tattoos, smokes, drinks and fucks blonde girls. I even had to die my hair so he would notice me and Taylor is right, I ignore everything as long as it doesn’t have to do with me.
I should ask sat probably and connect everything together. Connect why Derek hurts me over and over, find his way back to me just to hurt me again but I didn’t. I acted like I’m the only girl in the world, run, drink, kiss strangers. I am a dramatic people pleaser, a damn narcissist who just wants the attention.
Looking at Derek laying here today. I feel pain, stupid and regret that I couldn’t do anything for him. I claimed I loved him, I fought with the heavens and earth just to chase after him and I missed something as important as this. If he was to slump and die, I wouldn’t even get the damn chance to say a single goodbye to him.
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“You think I’m ugly now don’t you?” Derek’s voice brought me back to earth with a little chuckle. I don’t get it, I don’t get how he’s still able to smile in between life or death. So this was how he was able to fool me.
“Damn you Derek!” Was the first word that left my mouth. Painful tears flood down my eyes, I sounded spiteful but it was not to him. It was to me instead, I was angry at myself so angry that I could jump off a building and be the first one to die instead of Derek.
“You might hate me for keeping this from you… All of you but I don’t want you to worry. Dove I don’t want you to blame yourself, none of this is your fault do you here me?” He says but it’s too late I’m already crying so hard.
“Dove” he raised his hands to touch my face, his fingers trembling and his eyes weak also filled of pain. Why am I seeing this now? All the burden, the pressure and pain he has being hiding. I claimed I loved him but I have never sat to actually studied him and ask him how he really was.
“Dove” he calls me again but each words that comes out makes me cry even more. I cry with the fact that I might never see him again, I might never take care of him properly and love him the way he should. Fuck me, what do I know when I’m only sixteen, I don’t even know anything so why did I even do this.
“You’re really making me sad Dove, I’d be fine” He adds.
“I’m sorry Derek, I’m so sorry. I should have played my part well in your life but I only added to your stress. I don’t deserve to be forgiven but please find it somewhere in you to forgive me, I’m really sorry” I cried so hard.
Derek shakes his head. “You were never a stress to me. Even if I were to die now then I’d die happy remembering the good times I had with you so never blame yourself, ever” He sounds like he was warning me.
“Promise me Derek” I held his hand on my face. “Get better for me, for us and your family so I can make it up to you, do we can make it up to you. You’re a strong man Derek, I’m rooting for the best in your life” I tried to sweettalk him but I’m still in tears.
“I promise all of you Dove, I’d do everything to see all of you again but if I don’t make it. Tell our moms they have our blessings, tell Taylor I love her and I want you to remember that out of eight billion people in the world, you’re the only one that made my heart beat and you’d be the only one forever and always” His words went straight to my heart. I don’t want to leave, I want to stay with him and make sure he’s okay and if he dies, I want to go with him too.
The door opens and a nurse stepped in. “Young miss, I believe it’s time for you to believe the surgery is about to start” She says and my tears hardened more. If I walk away from here, will I be able to see him again?
“Dove” Derek calls. “Before you leave, can I taste your lips once more? Fuck the restraining order” He says.
“Fuck the restraining order too” I replied and I leaned to give him a simple kiss but he grabs my head close and deepen it, pushing his tongue down my throat and making me loose my mind as usual but I wasn’t going to be selfish today.
I pulled away and immediately the computer he was connected too began making fast noise. My heart flew, I don’t recognize Derek no more as he was shaking so hard. What have I done again? I should have left the moment the nurse came in.
“Miss you really need to go” Other nurses came in to drag me out but I was too shocked to scream, I couldn’t move either, they just had to push me from the room, slam the door to my face and that’s it.
Fate is left to decide if I would really see Derek again or not.
TBC
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